Advice during days of change:
Going through a divorce with a high-conflict person forced me to my knees at times. I was given many pieces of advice. Here are some thoughts on getting through the journey:
Love your kids first.
Give the love for your children top priority over any contempt and disgust you feel for your spouse. Your children do not need to know everything about your marriage or reasons for its demise. Whenever possible, do not involve them in the divorce proceedings, or speak ill of that horse’s bee-hind who is driving you crazy. Take the high road at all times. If your kids insist on the truth in certain matters, deliver it with kindness and tact. You are your children’s support system. Love them unconditionally and you will be loved in return.
Have a mantra.
Every morning when my feet hit the ground, I said, “Whatever happens is in my best and highest good!” That being said, there were days, to which my colleagues will attest, when I forgot my mantra!
I could not believe the depths of hatred that emerged from the person to whom I was married for so long. The father of my children, and the keeper of my deepest private thoughts. I was astonished at the attempts to break me. The lie-filled campaign among our family and friends in an effort to destroy what they knew about me to be true. Despite constant rage and attempts to annihilate my character, I learned who knew me best in the process. I let go of those who questioned the person they knew me to be. My family and friends know who I am and what I value. Best of all, I continue to emerged from this experience with a profound trust in myself and my capabilities.
Spend your time on what you can control and let go of what you cannot. Having the power to change your thoughts is a gift not always easily acquired. Sometimes, I still say, “It never had to be like this.” As if I actually had any choice in the matter.
Pick one really good curse word.
As much as I try to be a well-mannered Texas woman, I learned the word, “F**k” (or as my text autocorrect revises it to “Duck”), serves a lot of good purposes. It can be a noun or verb and the line between the two just isn’t that thin. Add an “ing” to the end, and it’s a powerful adjective. I now use it often.
Give. Keep Giving.
I cannot tell you the number of amazing souls going through divorce that came to me by way of friends, doctors, acquaintances and random individuals. They, as I, needed perspective and support while enduring one of life’s most stressful events. I was blessed by the hours talking, encouraging and motivating these women. I learned that the more I gave of myself in motivating and being available, the more I was able to heal myself. So many of these women are a part of my B&B Foundation event. They have empowering stories, and are stopping at nothing to find their true passions as they begin to transform themselves to their new truths. So give of yourself. You will sleep better!
Be amazing to yourself. Take on action with a strong mental attitude of “Get to it to get through it!” Let go of what you cannot control and focus on what you can control. That is the golden ticket. You get to decide what you think about….no one else.
I have surrounded myself with the most beautiful and flawed women who bring so much laughter, tears and bliss into my life. They are my sisters, my groupies, and I could not imagine what my life would have been without them in this process. Sometimes we see each other frequently. Sometimes, we simply text each other, knowing there’s a lifeline out there. So get yourself a cocktail, coffee, or text groupie to remind you that you are a beautiful perfect soul when you least believe it.